But what does this mean?
What is the masc gay man and why are we so obsessed with it? The problem stems from seeking out these qualities as the pinnacle of what gay men are. But what is the ideal gay man?
For many, the ideal man is someone who plays sports, drinks beer, and never bottoms. In essence the ideal gay man is the ideal straight man. This revelation--that the ideal straight man is no different than the ideal gay man--struck me only recently.
The type many believe all gay men conform to: loud, sassy, effeminate, wearing clothes too bright, too tight, and too cropped to make a conservative father of two-point-five feel comfortable. For these reasons I fully considered myself middle of the lane when it came to all things conventionally masculine.
These concepts of conventional masculinity persisted until I went on a date with a guy named Jack. We met through friends and briefly conversed before ultimately finding each other interesting enough to warrant an actual date.
Schedules were reviewed and plans were made for a local coffee shop. He fidgeted, kept his face buried in his mug of black coffee, and only occasionally grunted in reply to the conversation I was desperately trying to bring to life. After about twenty minutes--at least half of which was entirely comprised of silence--I finally asked if he was alright.
Things I loved and had never considered as being particularly masculine or feminine.
I remember his exact words vividly because I immediately thought of the many highly effeminate gay men and straight women alike that I knew enjoyed sports. This equivalent--of sports being the barometer for masculinity was lost on me, as it has been my entire life. Jack and I parted ways and never spoke again, but the incident has embedded itself in my mind as deeply indicative of the darker side gay culture. How many times had my friends told me the same thing had happened to them?
What’s with gay men seeking “masculine only” partners?
How many times had I mentally dismissed it as merely preference when in fact it had to do with our own hypermasculine culture? And why did I, a gay man, feel that I was somehow exempted from a society that said men had to be lone wolves, never cry, and have a professional athlete's body type?
This question, more than the others, lead me to realize the highly permeable nature of the microcosm that gay men live within. Because we are gay we claim to be accepting of all and yet are the guiltiest of labeling, dividing, and categorizing one another.
How do you discern hypermasculinity from preference? ability has, and will continue to be, the biggest weapon the gay community has to combat discrimination.
ability of self and ability of others. In this way we can redefine masculinity to represent all men and not just the select few blessed with good genes and sports interests. As gay brothers and sisters, lovers and allies, our mission should always be to question the conventional and redefine those things which segregate and devalue one another.
Why fashion matters
Necko is a veteran, LGBT activist, and writer. In addition to his work as a freelancer Necko writes fiction with the purposes of providing strong LGBT and female protagonists to the world.
More of his work can be found at neckofanning. Psychedelics, such as LSD and psilocybin, are showing great promise in the treatment of a range of Fanning Jan 1, PM. Get to know the author. Necko L. Psychedelics, Masculinity, and Mental Health Psychedelics, such as LSD and psilocybin, are showing great promise in the treatment of a range of